All That I've Got
by FanFicJunkie94
Summary: Clara is a decedent of the Nephilim, half-angel half-human hybrids of the biblical times. Though part of her soul is human, there exists another part that is more powerful. After Sam and Dean Winchester saved her from certain death at the hands of archangel Raphael, she dedicated her life to hunting and helping them. Takes place between Seasons 5-8.
1. Chapter 1

** I stupidly began writing without a back story or introductory chapters so until I get them written I just wanted to post what I have so far. Comments, questions, and critiques are all welcomed. Thank you. **

"Look me in the eye and tell me you're not working with Crowley," Dean demanded.

She looked up at him, her chest throbbing with every breath and Sam's arm the only thing keeping her from collapsing. Castiel was so powerful every time she had seen him before, but surrounded in a ring of fire he suddenly reminded her of a child who couldn't find its mother in the grocery store. She wanted to stop Dean and answer for Cas. There was no way he would risk all of their lives, the whole world for that matter, just to defeat Raphael.

"Cas…"

He was silent. Cas looked away from Dean giving them the answer they needed.

"Son of a bitch." Dean managed to say.

As they began to argue she was hit with the reality of the situation. Crowley had almost killed her. He had tortured her to the point where he was almost able to take part of her soul which he would've sold for the info on purgatory he needed. If Cas and Crowley had teamed together to open purgatory, he must have known what he was going to do to her. How wouldn't he have?

"Let me explain," Cas said, panicking. Dean interrupted him.

"You're in it with him? You and Crowley have been going after Purgatory together? You have, huh? This whole time."

"I did it to protect you. I did it to protect all of you," Cas yelled.

"Protect us how? By opening a hole into monsterland!" Sam jumped in.

"He's right, Cas. One drop got through, and it was Eve. And you want to break down the entire dam?" Bobby asked him.

"To get the souls. I can stop Raphael. Please, you have to trust me." Castiel answered.

"Trust you?! How in the hell are we supposed to trust you now?" Sam asked.

"I'm still me. I'm still your friend. Sam..." Cas hesitated, "I'm the one who raised you from Perdition."

The tension in the room reached an even higher level.

"What?" Sam asked, in obvious shock and confusion. He thought for a moment. "Well, no offense...But you did a pretty piss-poor job of it." Cas was about to say something when Sam spoke up again.

" Wait. Did you bring me back soulless...On purpose?"

It suddenly became clear. They hadn't been able to find out how or why Sam had been freed from the cage until now. Now the question was how long had Cas been working against them.

"How could you think that?" Cas asked, seemingly hurt.

"Well, I'm thinking a lot of things right now, Cas" Sam defended. Cas shook his head and tried to explain.

"Listen. Raphael will kill us all. He'll turn the world into a graveyard. I had no choice."

"No, you had a choice. You just made the wrong one," Dean told him.

"You don't understand. It's complicated," Cas said.

"No, actually, it's not, and you know that. Why else would you keep this whole thing a secret, huh, unless you knew that it was wrong?" Dean asked him. He then pointed at Clara. "Look what you let happen to her. Was her being tortured almost to death by your new friend for the better good? Was it?!" He yelled. There was silence.

For the first time Cas stopped and looked at her. Her right arm was in a sling and her face was covered in bruises. He didn't say anything. She forcefully pulled her arm away from Sam who let her go, and she headed towards the holy fire. Every step caused pins and needles throughout her whole abdomen. Cas didn't break eye contact. She stood at the edge of the flames, suddenly right in front of him, looking at the pathetic, power-obsessed supposed angel before her.

"Tell me you didn't know," she demanded.

He stared at her, speechless, with guilt in his eyes. She felt her stomach drop and a few tears streamed down her face as she turned to walk away.

"I didn't know he would hurt you." She stopped and turned back almost crossing the holy fire as rage filled her entire being.

"That thought never crossed your mind? What happened to you, Cas? Why are you doing this?"

"We need to open purgatory to…"

"Don't…" she told him.

Her throat began to swell with sadness and the pressure only caused her more pain. She backed away from him and headed back over next to Sam. As much as she felt like breaking down, the pain from the broken ribs was keeping her from doing so.

"When crap like this comes around, we deal with it... Like we always have. What we don't do is we don't go out and make another deal with the Devil!" Dean said, the anger in his voice elevated.

"It sounds so simple when you say it like that." Cas said, beginning to realize where he had went wrong. "Where were you when I needed to hear it?"

"I was there. Where were you?" Dean asked him. "You should've come to us for help, Cas."

"Maybe," Cas replied.

The house suddenly began to creak and the wind outside threatened with howls. Looking east towards the moon they all saw a thick, black smoke, too familiar to their eyes.

"It's too late now. I can't turn back now. I can't," Cas told them.

"It's not too late. Damn it, Cas! We can fix this!" Dean yelled at him.

The house began to shake and Sam and Clara headed towards the door.

"Dean, it's not broken! Run. You have to run now! Run!" Cas demanded.

They ran out the doors and she watched the look of pain and deceit on Dean's face as he gave Cas one final look. They left him there for Crowley, not worrying about what would happen to him. They got into the Impala and drove back down the dirt road that had brought them to Ellsworth's House. Clara sat in the back with Sam and looked out the window doing the one thing she knew she shouldn't: burying her pain and hurt deep inside and hoping it would never surface.


	2. Chapter 2

A few hours later they arrived back in Sioux Falls. Not one word had been spoken the whole drive to Bobby's. The only noise had been the roaring engine and Dean's Led Zeppelin tapes. She went to stand up out of the car but was overcome with pain. The strain she had used to keep from crying had taken a toll on her. Sam saw her struggle and ran to her side to help her up. They all headed inside except for Dean who mumbled something about "angel proofing the house".

"Clara I need to see exactly how badly you're hurt so stay here for a few minutes and then I'll let you get some sleep," Bobby said.

"Ok," she told him. They waited as Bobby got out a bottle of whiskey from one cabinet and a prescription bottle full of white pills from another.

"I think her shoulder is just dislocated but I couldn't tell on the spot. I didn't want to risk anything by putting it back if it was broken. And I'm positive a few of her ribs are fractured too," Sam explained.

"Well let's see." Bobby said putting his hand on Clara's shoulder and pressing in certain spots. Each time he did so caused immense pain.

"Definitely dislocated, not broken though," He answered which caused her to give a slight sigh of relief. She kept thinking what a pain in the ass she would end up being to them if she only had one useful arm for two months. Her relief was replaced by sudden fear though as she realized they would have to pop it back into place which would probably hurt more than when Crowley had thrown her into the wall in the first place.

"Sam," Bobby said, pointing to the kitchen.

Sam walked over and grabbed a towel from one of the drawers near the sink. He brought it back over to her.

"Bite down on this," he said placing the folded towel near her mouth. She took a deep breath and did as she was told. She closed her eyes, her body's strange attempt to protect her from the pain she was about to endure. Sam grabbed her other hand and she squeezed his hard as Bobby turned her arm outwards and then slammed it inward. She bit down on the towel as hard as she could and the rush of pressure to her head and chest almost caused her to faint. Bobby moved her arm in different directions. It surprisingly didn't hurt anymore.

"Feel better?" he asked.

She nodded, lifting her right arm and removing the towel from her mouth.

"Yeah, I can actually move it without feeling immense pain," she said. It was still sore, but she imagined her whole body would be sore for quite some time. She let go of Sam's hand and he massaged it. She could have laughed if it weren't for her chest.

"And about your rib cage, ain't nothing I can do for that. If they were anything but cracked you'd've fallen over dead by now. Fractures cause internal bleeding most of the time. I recommend using this," he said as he reached over and grabbed the bottle of Jack Daniels from the table next to him and handed it to her. "And these," he handed her the white pills.

She didn't even bother asking what they were. If they helped the pain go away she could not have cared less.

"Thanks, Bobby," She said meaningfully. Bobby took care of all of them in ways no one else could. He never had to be but he was always there even though they occasionally took him for granted.

He didn't say anything but walked outside to help Dean.

"Do you need help going upstairs?" Sam asked getting ready to go outside too.

"No, I'll be okay," she said, "Thanks though."

He smiled and nodded before heading out the door. As she climbed the stairs she kept seeing Cas's face when he had silently admitted to working with Crowley. Tears threatened to flood her eyes but the anger she felt was greater than the sorrow and kept them at bay. She got to her room which was Bobby's wife's old sewing room. Bobby had renovated it into a bedroom just for her a few months ago and she suddenly became overwhelmed with thankfulness. She was betrayed, hurt, and confused but she was alive and the ones she loved were alive as well. She emptied three of the pills into her hand and removed the lid from the whiskey.

"That's about as good as it gets right?" she said to herself almost in a sarcastic tone before washing the pills down her throat with the liquor. She marked the room with angel proofing symbols before heading to sleep. Though she didn't doubt the guys' proofing abilities at all, or think that Castiel would have the nerve to try to talk to her, she wasn't going to risk it.


	3. Chapter 3

"So, still don't want to participate, love?" Crowley growled, "That's fine."

He walked over to the furnace and took out a lead pipe whose end burned bright yellow. She struggled against the restraints holding her arms and feet down, but she knew it was helpless. She knew screaming was useless as well and would probably please Crowley more than getting what he wanted so she had remained silent. He walked around her in a complete circle before leaning over and grabbing her left arm. Now that he was closer she could see that the lead pipe wasn't just a pipe, it was a brand. The symbol on the end was not one she recognized.

"Maybe this will change your mind," he said. She tried pulling away from him as he lifted the blazing rod up and descended it towards her skin. Her heart was in her throat and every inch of her body pulled to free her. He pressed the metal against her skin causing her to scream out in agony. Never had she felt such pain before. She could hear the sizzling of her skin and everything turned black.

"Clara!" she heard someone yell. "Clara!"

She opened her eyes. Sam was kneeling in front of her, a worried look on his face. She could feel her heartbeat on her left arm where the brand was. She was breathing heavily.

"What?" she exhaled, sitting up.

"You were screaming bloody murder. Are you ok?" he asked tucking a few strands of hair behind his ear.

"I'm not sure if ok is the right word," she answered with a forced laugh. He looked at her , still worried.

"You were reliving it, weren't you?" he accused her.

She nodded.

"That's probably going to happen for a while. I…uh…when Jess was killed I dreamt about it every night for a few months. I tried everything from teaching myself how to lucid dream and just not sleeping at all. Nothing seemed to help, you know."

"Thanks for the comforting words, Sam." She said.

"I'm just saying if you need to talk about what happened, or talk about anything for that matter, I'll try to help." He told her. She smiled.

"Thank you. And that coming from a guy who just got back from hell and got his soul back, I want you to know as well that if you need anyone I've got your back, especially after everything you and Dean have done for me. You saved my life Sam. Crowley would have killed me."

" Yeah well he's got a lot coming to him as soon as we figure everything out." He stood up and stretched his arms. "I'm going to go back to sleep. Dean's thinking about heading out in the morning."

"Where to?" she asked.

"No idea. He hasn't said much." Sam said and then yawned.

"Sorry for waking you up," she said guiltily.

"Worse things have happened, trust me." He said as he left the room.

As soon as she was sure he was gone she carefully rolled up the plaid sleeve of her shirt and looked at the brand mark. It glowed bright red and was oozing clear liquid. She didn't want them to know about the brand mark until she knew what it meant. They had enough trouble on their hands. If she wanted to keep it hidden however, she would have to clean it up herself before it got infected. She pulled herself out of the bed, the pain medication still in her system, and headed downstairs to the kitchen. Right as her feet hit the last stair she thought she heard Dean talking. She quietly walked over to the library and leaned against the door, hoping to catch what he was saying and get an idea of where they were headed.

"Why are you here?" she heard Dean say.

"I want you to understand…"

"Oh, believe me I get it."

The other voice was Castiel. She'd recognize it if a thousand people were talking at once. She worried for a moment how he had gotten in but it didn't really matter.

"Blah blah Raphael, right?" Dean asked.

"I'm doing this for you, Dean," Castiel explained once again. "I'm doing this because of you."

"Because of me, yeah" Dean replied. She heard footsteps move in the room. "You've got to be kidding me."

"You're the one who taught me, 'freedom and freewill'," Cas started.

"You're a fricken child, you know that? Just because you can do what you want doesn't mean you get to do whatever you want," Dean said raising his voice.

"I know what I'm doing, Dean." Cas said.

"I'm not going to logic you,okay?" Dean said, voice back to a normal tone, "I'm saying don't, just cause. I'm asking you not to. That's it."

"I don't understand," Cas said before being interrupted by Dean again.

"Look next to Sam, you, Bobby, and Clara are the closest things I have to family, that you are like a brother to me. So, if I'm asking you not to do something, you've got to trust me, man." Dean explained.

"Or what?" Castiel replied.

She felt like ice had filled her veins.

"Or I'll have to do what I have to do to stop you." Dean said. She could hear the shock in his voice.

"You can't, Dean." Cas said, "You're just a man. I'm an angel."

"I don't know, I've taken some pretty big fish," Dean retorted.

It was silent for a moment.

"Is Clara okay?" Castiel asked.

She tightened her jaw and held herself back from bursting into the room.

"Why don't you ask her yourself?" Dean said.

"She angel proofed her room, correctly. I didn't know Crowley would harm her, Dean, honestly."

"You know, she was right, Cas. Did you think he was just going to invite her for a cup of tea and trade her everlasting happiness for part of her soul or did you just not care?" Dean yelled.

"He promised me he wouldn't hurt her." Cas answered, "Of course I care."

"Well, that's what you get for partnering up with a demon, Cas. When we stop whatever crap you're about to set up, don't expect any of us, let alone Clara to even acknowledge your existence ever again," Dean told him.

"I'm sorry, Dean."

"Well, I'm sorry too then," Dean replied.

She knew after that that Cas had left. What hurt her most was that she didn't know how long Cas had been lying to them. She closed her eyes and thought about everything. He could have lied about accidentally bringing Sam back without his soul. It sure distracted them from the main problem for a while and the first few months Sam was back he had been coaxed into unknowingly helping Crowley find out how to open the gate to purgatory. He lied about killing Crowley, too. She wondered how many times his help had been fake or how many things he had actually set up to keep them out of his way. She gave it a few minutes before walking to the kitchen. Dean might see her and she didn't want him to think she had been listening in. She finally walked away from the room and down the hallway. She could hardly see anything in the kitchen it was so dark but turning the light on would cause Dean to come in. She strained her eyes and made out the cabinets and sink. She reached out and opened the cabinet where Bobby kept first aid supplies. As she did so, a bottle of pills similar to the one Bobby had given her earlier that must have been knocked over, rolled out and onto the floor. She stood still for a moment, hoping the maybe Dean didn't care or maybe fell asleep and hadn't heard. Her hopes were crushed however, as his footsteps headed her way and the kitchen light suddenly came to life. Dean looked at her and then down at the pill bottle on the ground.

"Now look if you're popping pills we're going to have a problem." He said, jokingly.

She smiled at him and picked the bottle off the floor.

"Nope, just looking for rubbing alcohol and bandages," she told him.

"I thought Bobby and Sam took care of you earlier," he said, suspicion in his voice.

"Oh…uh…yeah they did but I forgot I had a cut on my hand and I didn't want it to get infected." She lied and covered her left hand with her right.

He nodded and looked at her in a way that made her feel like he knew something was up.

"Next time it would probably help if you turned the light on first," he said with a smile.

"Yeah well Sam told me you wanted to head out in the morning so I assumed you'd be asleep and appreciate not having a light glaring onto your face."

"Well, thanks for the gesture but I don't think I'll be getting much sleep anyways."

He walked over and reached into the cabinet she had opened, taking out a bottle of alcohol and a roll of bandages.

"Come here," he said heading over to the sink.

"Dean I can do it myself," she told him.

"I just want to make sure it's not already infected," he said gesturing for her to walk over to him.

"No really its fine I just looked at…"

"Why are you lying to me?" he asked.

"What?" she replied, wondering what she was going to say next.

"Sammy has hidden things from me enough over the years; it's kind of easy to tell now. Don't you think enough lying has gone on tonight?" he said with a smile to let her know she had been defeated.

"I just want to help," he said seeing the worried look on her face.

"I know, I just didn't want to create another problem to worry about right now."

"If bandages can fix it I don't think we'll have to…"

Dean stopped as she rolled up her sleeve and revealed the brand. He looked at her in amazement.

"You forgot you had that?"

"Yeah, I guess there was just too much going on everywhere else that I forgot to feel pain in that spot. "

He walked over and grabbed her arm, studying the mark and wincing as he thought about all of the pain she had been through.

"I don't know what the symbol means. That's what I meant by not wanting to cause any more problems. Please don't tell Sam or Bobby. I'll figure out what it means but we need to focus on the big issue right now." She begged him.

He let go of her arm and looked at her before nodding in agreement.

"Look I know you've been through a lot tonight but don't keep stuff like that from me just because you think it's going to make you a nuisance, alright?"

She nodded.

Dean cleaned the burn and bandaged it for her before she headed back upstairs and into her bed. He hadn't told her where they were going in a few hours, but she had a feeling it would help them stop Cas and Crowley. Sleep came to her slowly, her fears of reliving the day in her mind.


	4. Chapter 4

The week had gone by quickly and painfully. Dean's plans to head out in the morning days earlier had been changed quickly. One of Bobby's journals had gone missing at the hands of no other than Castiel. The journal had information on H.P. Lovecraft who supposedly knew about purgatory. A call then came from Ben saying that there were men in his and Lisa's house. The situation composed by no other than Crowley who warned them to stop meddling with things. With Castiel off their side, they had no other choice but to summon Balthazar who left after learning off Castiel's plan. While Bobby attempted to find more information on Lovecraft, Clara, Sam, and Dean had stayed behind to find the whereabouts of Lisa and Ben with no avail. Bobby found that when Lovecraft had opened the portal something had escaped and taken form in no other than Eleanor Visyak. Eleanor had the information of how to open purgatory. Clara had gone with Bobby to warn Eleanor of the danger she was in while back at the house, Balthazar had agreed to show Dean and Sam where Lisa and Ben were hidden. They were able to find them but Lisa suffered injuries that left her in the hospital. Now they were back on the road again. A call from Eleanor had come to Bobby earlier in the morning telling them to meet her.

"Where is she?" Clara asked as they walked around the alleyway Eleanor had directed them to.

"She said to meet her here," Bobby replied, "I'll try her again." He dialed her number and suddenly they heard a ringing in the alley.

They looked around but didn't see anyone so they followed the sound which led them to Eleanor who was on the ground, leaning against a pallet behind a dumpster.

"El…" Bobby ran to her side. Clara wanted to as well but the look in Dean's eyes told her she shouldn't.

"Hey," she said, her voice heavy with pain and her breathing quick and sharp. "I guess I could've used your help after all."

"Just be still," Bobby told her.

"What happened?" Sam asked.

"They took me," she answered, "I got away."

She opened her coat to show her abdomen stained in blood. Clara had to look away.

"Oh, Ellie…" Bobby remarked, "What have they done to you?"

"Everything. The demon I could've handled but when the angel stepped in I…"

Bobby looked back at them. Clara almost fell to the ground. Castiel had helped Crowley torture Eleanor. If he had the mind to do that, his promise to Dean about not knowing about her own torture became nothing but another lie.

"I told them, Bobby," Eleanor breathed, guilt and surrender in her tone. "They have enough to crack purgatory wide open."

"Tell me I need to know," Bobby said.

"They need virgin blood. That's a milk run for them. And they need the blood of a purgatory native." She sadly laughed, "Well, they've got plenty of that now."

"Have they opened it yet?" Dean asked, worried.

She shook her head.

"Tomorrow. They need an eclipse. I'm sorry, Bobby."

"No, it's okay, it's okay," Bobby told her.

"Sorry," she continued, "I'm sorry."

"Tell us where they are," Bobby said to her, "El…"

She was gone. The anger Clara felt towards Castiel was causing her hands to shake. She clenched them tightly to hide it.

"I'm sorry this had to happen," the familiar voice said.

Castiel was behind them. Clara jumped forward.

"You son of a bitch!" she yelled. Sam grabbed her and held her back before she could get herself hurt or killed.

"Crowley got carried away," he said disappointed.

"Yeah, I bet it was all Crowley you son of a bitch," Bobby yelled trying to get a go at Cas as well. Dean pushed him back.

"You don't even see it do you?" Dean asked, "How totally off the rails you are."

"Enough." Castiel demanded.

The way he had said it scared them and she stopped struggling to free herself from Sam's grip.

"I don't care what you think. I've tried to make you understand, you won't listen. So let me make this simple, please go home and let me stop Raphael. I won't ask again." Cas said.

"Well, good because I think you already know the answer," Dean replied.

Cas sighed and shook his head.

"I wish it hadn't come to this. Well, rest assured when this is all over I will save Sam. But only if you stand down."

"Save Sam from what?" Dean demanded. Castiel was suddenly gone and the next thing she knew Sam had turned and let go of her. Castiel was standing behind them, his hand on Sam's forehead. Before she could even attempt to stop him he was gone and Sam's weight fell against her, causing her to tumble backwards until Dean and Bobby helped grab him.

"Sam!" Dean yelled.

They laid him on the ground and she checked his pulse.

"He's alive, he's alive," she told them, her hand on Sam's throat.

"What the hell did he do? I'm going to kill that son of a bitch!" Dean yelled.

"I think I know," Clara said placing her hand where Cas had placed his on Sam's forehead.


	5. Chapter 5

The ride back to Bobby's was once again emotionally charged. No music played through the speakers and Clara knew Dean was thinking. He was going over everything he knew to find a way to save Sam. She was holding Sam's head in her lap and moved his long hair from his face. Though his eyes were shut she could see them moving beneath his eyelids. His hand twitched and she tried to imagine what he was seeing but knew she could not. If Castiel's betrayal to them hadn't proven to her that he had bad intentions, bringing down the wall in Sam's mind had. For a split second she imagined having to kill Castiel to save Sam and knowing she would do it without a second guess made her stomach turn. It had always confused and surprised her how someone could be your ally one day and your enemy the next.

They carried Sam into Bobby's house and down into the iron-clad panic room, resistant to demons, ghosts, and now angels too. They laid him on the makeshift bed in the center of the room where she knew he had spent days before. She pulled up one of the old wooden chairs from the wall and sat next to him. The look on Dean's face was a mixture of anger and fear.

"We can't just sit here, Bobby. I've got to help him," he said.

"Dean…" Bobby pleaded.

"You know, dreamscape his noggin. Something," Dean suggested.

"You know what Cas did. The dam inside your brother's head is gone, and all hell's spilling loose. We don't know what's going on inside."

"I don't care. We have got to do something," Dean yelled.

"And we will, but right now we got sixteen hours 'til they pop Purgatory."

"Bobby's right Dean," Clara spoke up. "Cas did this on purpose. He doesn't want us to interfere and try to stop him."

"Yeah, and how's that going, huh? We've got no line on Crowley. We got no line on Cas. Balthazar's MIA. I mean, all we've got is Sam, going through whatever the hell this is," he said.

"He wants you to fall to pieces. Just try to think of what Sam would want," Bobby told him and handed him a glass of whiskey. He offered one to Clara but she shook her head.

"Find Cas, Bobby. Find him now," Dean demanded, drinking all of the whiskey in one gulp and heading upstairs.

Bobby walked over and looked at Sam's seemingly lifeless face.

"How're things going for you?" he asked her.

"Fine. I haven't taken much of the pain medication though. Today I felt okay until I tried to kill Cas," she said with a small laugh. "I think I might've reversed any healing my body has done."

"It happens," he said taking another sip of his drink. "But I didn't mean physically."

She looked up at him and saw the fatherly expression she had often received from him.

"Good," she lied. "I think once everything stops hurting I'll be able to put it all behind me faster."

Bobby nodded.

"Don't pull a Dean on this one, Clara," he said.

"What's pulling a Dean?" she asked, confused.

"I'm sure you've noticed but Dean's not exactly one to talk about his feelings. He'll bottle everything up in his small, idgit head until he explodes. Look, all I'm saying is that I've been where you've been and know that it seems easier to push everything back and ignore it. You can't ignore it forever though and sometimes trying to just makes it that much harder in the end."

She nodded and then looked back to Sam.

"I'm going to go try and find this son of a bitch. You stay here and keep an eye on him," Bobby said before heading out of the iron room and back upstairs.

She thought about what Bobby had told her and he was right. She shouldn't keep everything inside. She couldn't understand why they all cared though. She looked over Sam who made the cot seem awkwardly small. His eyes still shot back and forth under their covers, seeing things none of them could guess. She moved his arm across his chest and laid her head on her arms among the small amount of space left on the mattress. She had been having trouble sleeping the few nights she had actually gotten the option to and it all suddenly hit her. She closed her eyes and nodded off. It felt like hours had gone by when she felt a hand on her shoulder, gently shaking her. She sat up and saw it was Dean.

"Sorry," he said, "but I have to ask you something."

She looked at the watch on Sam's wrist. She had only been asleep for fifteen minutes.

"What is it?" she asked noting the concern on his face.

"When Crowley was…" he began but stopped when his eyes met the spot on her arm kept a secret by a thin layer of cloth and bandage. "Did he mention anything about where this would all happen or mention any place at all?"

"No," she answered him. "Dean, all he did when he took me was try to bribe me and when that didn't work he turned to hurting me. I think he had a feeling things wouldn't go his way that night and made sure to keep anything we could use against him to himself."

He nodded and she could see in his eyes how tired and stressed he was.

"I'm sorry, Dean," she said truly sorry she couldn't help them more.

"It's not your fau…"

Sam suddenly began to convulse, turning his head back and forth violently and his arms flying outward. Clara sprung out of her chair gripping Sam's arms and struggling to keep him from hurting himself or them for that matter.

"Sammy! Sam!" Dean yelled running to Sam's side. Her heart was suddenly going what seemed like a thousand miles per hour when Dean placed his hand on Sam's chest and he stopped moving.

"What the hell was that?" Dean asked.

"I don't know," she said.

They both turned around at the sound of Bobby's voice.

"Look what the cat dragged in,"

Balthazar was standing with him in the doorway, kept out of the room by the white symbols written on the walls.

"Well, at least you mudfish finally got the angel-proofing right. Still lets the Nephilim in though I see," he said glancing at Clara before pointing to Sam. "How's Sleeping Beauty? You didn't steal any kisses I trust?"

"What the hell took you so long?" Dean demanded walking over to the door.

"Honestly? I was having second thoughts," Balthazar said.

"About?" Dean asked.

"About whether to help you. I was thinking maybe... Maybe I should rip out your sticky bits instead."

"And what did you decide?" Bobby asked.

"Well," he said as he pulled out a piece of paper from his coat pocket and handed it to Dean. She walked over to the rest of them trying to hide her complete hatred for Balthazar.

"Cas and Crowley are there. That's where the show gets started."

"Alright, well give us a minute to pack up and then zap us there." Dean said.

"Oh, no, no, no, no. I don't think so." Balthazar said shaking his head.

"Balthazar!" Dean yelled desperation in his voice.

"I'm betraying a friend here. A very powerful friend. We all are. So I think I've stuck my neck out far enough already. Good luck," he said making sure to give Clara a look of disgust before vanishing.

"We're leaving in ten if we want to get there in time. Hurry up," he said as they scattered to grab anything and everything they could before heading to Kansas.


	6. Chapter 6

"Time's up," Bobby announced through the house as he walked out the front door. Clara slid on the old army bag she had filled to the brim with holy water, salt, and other weapons and headed out of the panic room.

"Yeah, just a second," Dean yelled back. She looked and saw him take the piece of paper Balthazar had given them and place it next to Sam along with a gun. He said something to him but at a low whisper so she couldn't tell what it was. He turned and grabbed his bag off the desk.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay and keep an eye on him?" he asked her.

"I think he would want me to help you more," she replied and motioned her head towards the door.

Outside Bobby was standing next to the Impala waiting for them.

"I'm thinkin' we take two cars this time. There's no time for problems if we want to stop this thing. Dean and I will take the Impala and Clara you can follow with the Chevelle," Bobby told them.

She could tell that Dean didn't like Bobby's plan and she had a singe of doubt about it as well. There was no time for argument though. Bobby threw her the keys and looked her straight in the eyes.

"If we get there and anything happens, you leave as fast as you can. No ifs, ands, or buts. You just go."

"Ok," she told him feeling cared for at first but then useless once again. They all tended to view her as weak and she was sick of it. If anything happened she wasn't going to run away and leave them for dead. She didn't really care what happened to her anymore and that thought made her feel cold.

They got in the cars and headed down the highway once again. Not ten minutes after they had left she noticed Bobby had forgotten something. The Chevelle's tank was a line from empty. She called Dean on his cellphone.

"Yeah?" he answered.

"Slight problem. Bobby gave me an almost empty tank here." She heard him yell at Bobby and heard Bobby curse.

"Well, that's great news. We don't have time to stop. You think you can fill up fast and catch up to us?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'll take this next exit and see you guys in a few minutes." She said. They hung up. She questioned if Bobby had done this to keep her out of danger as she turned right onto the exit and pulled up to a Shell gas station. She ran inside and gave the attendant $30 before hurrying back and filling up the tank. She watched the numbers go up and it transformed in her mind to the number of souls that would be leaking out of purgatory if they didn't get there soon enough. Knowing it wasn't worth it, she wanted to take a last shot at trying to stop Cas by speaking to him. In her head, she said a small prayer to him, asking him to change his mind. She closed her eyes for a second until the sound of the gas pump turning off made her jump. She placed it back on the machine and felt what resembled an electric shock as she heard a voice behind her.

"I'm not going to stop, Clara."

She cringed at the words and felt her eyes fill with tears. She didn't want to turn around and face him.

"You won't listen to me, but you have to trust me."

"Cas," she said forcing herself to turn to him as a few tears burned her face. "How can we listen or trust you when you won't do the same for us?"

He was silent.

"I wanted to forgive you for all of this. I wanted to trust you. But you just keep making the wrong decisions and hurting people who cared about you and you can't even admit that you're in the wrong. I'm terrified of you. We all are. And that's how you want it isn't it?" She was crying as she forced her legs to walk up to him. A few inches away from his face, she looked into his eyes knowing he could end her life at the speed of light.

"I thought I loved you…"she said feeling her chest clench up in pain. He didn't even blink. "Cas, we can keep fighting! It will be hard, and it will be painful, and it'll be every day. It's what we have to do. And we can do it together. But if you're too much of a coward for that, then go. If I can't convince you to stop, then I don't know what can. But do not expect me to watch. And don't expect me to mourn for you, because…"

Before she could finish he was gone. She wanted to fall to the ground and never open her eyes again. She had told him the truth. She had loved him. Knowing Dean and Bobby were waiting for her she wiped her eyes, took a deep breath, and turned her pain into anger. She got into the Chevelle and headed back onto the highway, promising herself that she would do whatever it took to stop Castiel from opening purgatory that night.


End file.
